- Consider the costs and consequences of never say no. And painful as it may be, facing up to those costs can boost your motivation to change and do something different.
- Remember you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. Feelings are not something you can control while your actions are.
- Reframe your fear as uncomfortable, not dangerous. You’ll be a little more likely to tolerate it instead of impulsively trying to avoid it.
- Use reverse empathy to build some initial confidence. Reverse empathy means putting yourself in your own shoes when you’ve experienced something similar to what you’re afraid of someone else experiencing.
- Start with the 30% version and work your way up. If you can practice tolerating the fear of disappointing others in small ways (the 30% version), you’ll be that much more confident when you finally decide to accept the big fear (the 100% version).
- Watch out for fake guilt. Often we end up mislabeling sadness or some other sadness-related emotion as guilt because however bad guilt feels, it gives us an illusion of control via giving back something.
Source: Nick Wignall